What the Heart Wants
by BelatedBeliever1127
Summary: She thought back to all the time that she had spent there with him, chatting, working on projects… better times. She was afraid… well, terrified was probably more like what she was feeling. 'What if I really cannot fix this' - A companion one-shot to "My Little Girl"


**Hey everybody! So... I feel like I need to make amends for the literary tangent that I went on in the last chapter of 'My Little Girl'. I realize that it was a stretch, but I wanted to allow for a possible friend for Emma down the road. April and Casey's child seemed like the most obvious choice to me. Also, I wanted to explore how Donnie would be affected by a serious heartbreak like this. **

**I decided to remove this chapter from the original story, because it really doesn't really affect Emma or the overall plot too heavily, and make it a companion one-shot to 'My Little Girl'. It takes place between directly after the events of Chapter 3, so if you are lost and haven't read it, you should. **

**Thank you all again for your reviews! They really are highly appreciated. Also, thanks for sticking with me though this. This was a bit of a hard one for me to write. **

**I do not own the turtles, just the plot. Enjoy the story!**

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><p>April stood before the door that led to Donnie's lab. She thought back to all the time that she had spent there with him, chatting, working on projects… better times. She was afraid… well, terrified was probably more like what she was feeling. <em>What if I really cannot fix this?<em> She thought nervously, rocking on her feet anxiously. She thought about leaving, just turning around and walking away. Just go on home, make a cup of tea and get Casey to rub her feet. That sounded nice. She could just… She shook the treacherous thoughts from her head. _No. You've come this far. You _have_ to do this. Just... do it. _

She raised a trembling hand and tapped lightly on the door. Donatello's tired and melancholy voice sounded muffled through the thick wooden door.

"Go away, Leo." April stepped up closer to the door, tapping a little more firmly this time, calling as she knocked.

"Donnie, it's April."

There was a long pause, then came the sound of rolling, then a shuffle, then the click of the lock before the door swung open. There stood Donatello, the tall gangly turtle who had caught her so many times when she fell; both literally and figuratively. He stared coldly at her for what seemed like an eternity. His breathing was shallow, betraying his nerves, and his hand closed tightly on the door handle, as if he were seriously considering slamming it in her face. They stood staring at each other for a full minute before Donnie finally spoke.

"Hi April." His voice was strained, like it hurt to push the words out of his throat.

"Hi Donnie," April replied, trying to hide her anxiety behind a bright tone. It made her sound fake, like one of those overly cheery sales girls in television ads. She bit her lip, irritated with herself, "Can I come in?"

"Sure." He stepped back to allow her to enter. She passed him, entering the dark lab, which was only illuminated by the glow of his many electronic gadgets. Donnie proffered his rolling office chair for her to sit in, which she accepted. She carefully set herself into the chair, holding one of the arms to keep it from rolling around too much. He pulled up his metal stool and sat down across from her. She tried looking up at him, but found it hard to do. Now that she was here, she had no idea what to say. _What the hell was I thinking? This was such a bad idea…_ Donnie's soft, familiar voice brought her back to herself.

"So… what's up?"

"Not much. Just… pregnant."

"Yeah… I can tell." Donnie looked away, clearly uncomfortable with this line of conversation. The air was thick with tension, and both of them were trying to find a way to break the ice.

"So… when are you due?" Donnie asked, trying to sound aloof, but failing singularly.

"June 14th."

"Congratulations." His voice failed to carry any kind of sincerity in it, making April feel significantly small.

"Thank you." She answered weakly, picking nervously at her fingernails.

The lab fell into silence once again, only the hum of electronics audible in the semi-darkness. Donnie worked his jaw awkwardly, refusing to meet her eyes. _Get it together April! You're here, so just do it! _April took a deep breath, preparing herself for the plunge. She looked up at the tall turtle, trembling slightly in her seat with nerves.

"Donnie…"

"I think it would be better if you just stopped talking, April. It'll just make things hurt more." April winced as she heard her words from long ago being thrown back in her face. She released the breath that she didn't realize that she was holding. Bracing herself again, she set her jaw, hot color slowly creeping into her face.

"No."

"What?" Donnie asked, his eyes puzzled as he stared at her fully. April, determined not to back down, continued with a trembling voice.

"I said n-no, Donnie. I won't stop talking, even if it does hurt. I-I can't keep pretending that everything is ok, because it's not. Y-you wanted to tell me plainly how you felt once, and I cut you off because I thought that I was saving you from yourself. But… I-I made it worse." Donatello sat very still, his eyes not leaving her face, his face frozen in a mask of disbelief and pain.

April drew a deep breath before continuing, "I should have told y-you then. I should have told you t-that that wasn't the way that I felt about you. It wasn't fair to you that I-I would lead you on like that. It wasn't because you're a mutant. That doesn't matter. It… just wasn't right. I wasn't right for you, and… you weren't right for me."

Donnie sat silently staring at her for a minute that stretched into two, then five. April sat waiting for him to say something; anything. It was the silence that was killing her. She wanted her friend back, but it was possible that she wouldn't ever get him back. She had broken his heart and there was nothing that she could do to change that. The only thing that can happen now is to put things out in the open so that they could both move on with their lives. _He deserves that._ _He deserves to be happy…_

"I-I just wanted y-you to know… I was wrong," She could feel the wave of hormones washing over her, bringing hot tears to her eyes, "W-what I put you through was wrong, and I am s-so sorry. You d-deserve a lot better than what I might have been able to give you. "

He swallowed forcefully, finally tearing his eyes from her. The hopelessness and pain evident in his face was too much for her to bear. She couldn't hold the tears back any longer. All of the self-loathing that she had felt over the past five months came back in an all-consuming wave, swallowing her whole. She covered her eyes with her hands and let out a pained sob, turning the chair so that her back was to him. She sobbed wildly into her hands, hot tears falling through her fingers to the ground. She heard the scrape of metal, then the sound of solid footsteps approach before feeling strong arms enveloping her, comforting her. She leaned into him, heaving rough, desperate sobs into his plastron.

It was true what she had said; she didn't love him, not like she loved Casey. There _was_ love there though, he was her friend, her brother. She had always clung to the fact that he was there, that he would always be there. The months of silence between them had been tortuous and now that she was here, she realized how terrified she was of him fading out of her life forever. If she could only convince him of how sorry she was… how much she wished that she could take it back, not make the mistakes that she had made…

After a few minutes, she quieted and sat up, wiping her nose with the back of her sleeve. Donnie reached behind him and snatched a handful of tissues from a box sitting at one corner of his desk. He handed the tissues silently to her. She took them, wiping up the mucus and tears from her hands and face. She took a shuddering breath and choked back one last sob, looking down at him. Donnie had settled back on his haunches, balancing on his toes. He still looked absolutely miserable. He sat there for a time, seemingly deep in thought, his eyes staring at nothing. April sat back in the office chair, her fingers intertwined, crushing the tissues in her palms. Silence settled over them again for a full minute. Donnie's voice was thick with regret when he spoke.

"I always knew… that it wasn't possible for someone like you to love someone like me."

"It has nothing to do with that. Please understand that. I love Casey, that's all." Donnie held up a hand, stopping any further outbursts that April might make. She reluctantly closed her mouth, waiting for what else he might have to say.

"But… he makes you happy, doesn't he, April?" A small ray of hope penetrated the dark clouds of hopelessness in her mind. She knew that he was looking for some solace in letting her go. She nodded in complete assurance. Donatello sighed heavily, rising to his feet. He took her small hands in his large ones, giving them a light squeeze.

"I understand… well, not really, but I think I will. I… just need some time."

"Of course, Donnie." She smiled tearfully, the ray of hope broadening into larger beams of light.

There was a rough knock at the door, which was opened immediately after by Casey Jones, dressed in his traditional logoed leather coat and ripped jeans. He wore a stocking cap instead of his regular bandana, but wore the same heavy buckled boots as usual. His eyes went from his fiancée to the tall mutant turtle holding her hands in his.

"Everything ok in here?" he asked, suspiciously looking between the two.

"Yeah, we're fine. We'll be out soon," April said, quietly. Casey nodded and turned to leave.

"It's ok, Casey. Come on in," Don beckoned invitingly as he spoke.

Casey looked confused but stepped into the lab, shutting the door behind him. He sauntered up to April, stopping beside the rolling chair. She smiled up at him, hoping that it wasn't too evident that she had just been bawling her eyes out.

"You ok, babe?" He stroked her red hair affectionately.

"Yeah… we're just… talking, you know?"

Casey nodded in understanding, shrewdly guessing what they could have been talking about. He knew how much this whole thing was upsetting her. This whole business with Donatello really had been stressing her out; he just hoped that she wasn't taking it too far. He looked into the chocolate brown eyes of the gangly turtle. He didn't see any resentment there, just genuine concern with a touch of sadness lay in those intelligent eyes. Casey had also felt bad about what had gone down, but he didn't take it as hard as April had. When she discovered that he had refused to talk to her, she had cried for days. Casey had tried reasoning with Raph, trying to get him to talk to Donnie for them, but it hadn't been any good.

Donnie's face was set in an enigmatic expression and nodded slightly, seeming to make his mind up about something. April caught the expression, her mind working feverishly to decode what it could mean.

"Do you know the sex of the baby yet?" Donnie asked casually. The couple blinked at the unexpected question.

"Not yet. We're going to the doctor's for an ultrasound in a week," Casey said and April nodded in agreement. Donnie allowed a little smile to creep across his face, and April wondered what he was up to now.

"Do you want to see now?" April stared at him, confusion creasing her features. Casey looked slightly incredulous, crossing his arms dubiously.

"Now?"

Donnie smiled and turned away from them. He walked over to a bulky contraption covered by a stained sheet that stood in a far corner of the lab. Casey followed, pushing April across the lab in the rolling chair. Donnie dramatically threw off the sheet to reveal a complicated machine, with a large computer monitor fixed to the top, a mess of knobs and switches over the control panel, and something resembling a karaoke microphone with a cord attached to the side. A reclining chair with vinyl seats, like ones in a dentist's office, was set up next to the machine. Both Casey and April stared dumbly at it, not quite sure of what to make of it.

"What the hell is that thing, Donnie?" Casey asked, looking slightly bewildered by the sight of all of the flashing lights and crazy do-dads that adorned the strange device.

"Remember a few years back when we were attacked by the Squirrelanoids? Well, when that homeless guy swallowed one, I used the basic programming to do an internal scan of the squirrels in his stomach. Of course, I've done some upgrading on the technology to make it more reliable," Donnie patted the top of the computer monitor with the same affection that he gave to each of his inventions and contraptions. "I could use it to find out whether your baby's going to be a boy or a girl." Donnie rejoined the couple, holding out his hand invitingly to the startled redhead in the office chair. Her puzzled blue eyes met his resolved brown ones, trying to figure him out.

"So… what do you say, April?"

April searched his eyes, trying to work out what was in his mind. _What on earth is he up to? _Suddenly, something in her brain clicked. _I took my first step, this must be his. _He was giving them a peace offering; something to find a new kind of common ground.

"Um… sure. Let's do this." She took his hand and stood, allowing him to lead her to the reclining chair. Casey followed, a slightly confused and distrustful look still etched on his face.

April settled back in the chair and Donnie went to work. He flipped a switch and hit a half dozen keys to turn on and boot up the machine. Then, he retrieved his metal stool and set it up beside the contraption. He put a sheet over April's legs as she lifted her sweater, exposing her swollen stomach to his professional scrutiny. She shivered a little in the chill and Casey squeezed her hand, stroking her hair comfortingly. April squeezed back, looking up at him with that crooked half-smile of hers.

Donnie picked up the microphone looking instrument from its holder and held it about a quarter of an inch over her lower abdomen. The screen illuminated with the black and white outlines of a tiny head, with a nose and lips recognizable. Casey stared dumbstruck as the screen further revealed little hands, curled into fists and little legs, curled up close to the midsection. April also looked on in wonder, almost not believing that such a beautiful thing could be growing inside her. Donnie maneuvered the instrument over the surface of April's stomach so that the picture showed the area between the baby's legs. Casey's eyes widened and he leaned in closer to get a better look.

"Oh, my God…" Casey breathed, awestruck, unable to tear his eyes away from the outline on the computer monitor.

"It's a boy." April muttered in awe. Donnie glanced up at the monitor, noting the identifying appendage and nodding in agreement with the observation. He looked into April's face and saw the intense excitement radiating from her. Her enthusiasm was contagious, making him flash a gap-toothed smile to match hers.

"You're having a boy." Donnie confirmed, smiling into her eyes. April was positively glowing with maternal pride. She squeezed Casey's hand hard and beamed up at him. Don stole a glance up at the leather clad vigilante. He had never seen a grown man smile so big before. Casey's own gap-toothed smile was formidable, radiant with the pride of first fatherhood.

Donnie switched off the machine with an air of professional satisfaction. April sat up at the waist and swiveled herself on her seat so that her legs hung off the edge of the reclining chair. Casey cupped her face, kissing her deeply. Donnie looked away tactfully, not wanting to intrude on this intimate moment. Plus… he hadn't completely let her go just yet. Casey suddenly lifted his fiancée high in the air, spinning her around and laughing in joyful celebration.

Donnie looked on from his seat on the metal stool. Somehow, this felt right. It wasn't going to go away right away; he wasn't going to fool himself into thinking that. The pressure to impress and woo her wasn't totally gone. Neither was the pain in his chest, but somehow, the sharp, agonizing pain had turned into a dull ache. The decrease in intensity made him feel less hopeless than he had before. _I can do this. _Donnie thought to himself with a note of surprise. _I can get past this. _He felt himself smiling easily with relief.

He watched how Casey looked at April; how happy she looked in his arms. Donnie couldn't help himself from smiling. She wasn't going to be the love of his life… and that was ok. She had found a guy who was going to love her and take care of her, and somehow, that made Donatello feel better. _As long as she can be happy, so can I. _He could do that for her… really, he could do that for himself.

A sudden, solid punch in the arm nearly knocked him off his stool. Donnie cried out with surprise and Casey threw his arms around Donnie's head with reckless abandon.

"That was amazing, D! Thanks, man!" Donnie's response was muffled and Casey released him. Donnie tried to catch his breath and get the smell of leather and sweat out of his nose. April shoved her fiancée good-naturedly and hugged the genius turtle herself with a lot greater care.

"Thank you Donnie. That was really thoughtful," She slid her hands down his arms and gripped his hands firmly in hers. "I am so sorry…" she said again, looking deep into his chocolatey brown eyes.

"It's going to be ok, April… I'm going to be ok," and this time when Donnie said it, he actually believed it.

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><p><strong>Well, there we go. I don't know how well this 'breakup' scene was written. I apologize if it wasn't quite realistic, I don't have a lot of personal experience to go off of, especially in the conclusion. <strong>

**Thanks for reading and all your support! Keep on being awesome!**


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